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  • Writer's pictureMike Melbourne

Do Voices Ignite Your Imagination?

Found myself stalking a voice I heard over the PA system at the grocery store the other day. “Manager, please report to the office. Customer needs you.”

Oh, yeah! This customer needed to match a face/body with the sexy sound that came from the speakers! I love hearing voices—and not just the ones in my head. I went through a phase when I would call CVS Pharmacy just to listen to the recording of the guy saying, “This is CVS. Located at …”

Ever see/hear old-time actress Barbara Feldon? She played Agent 99 on a 20th century TV sitcom called Get Smart.

Sultry voice! Loved her!!! Did tons of commercials.

Ari Shapiro, one of the anchors on NPR’s All Things Considered, is one of my current faves. It’s an educated voice, if you know what I mean. I checked out his Wikipedia page. (Again with the stalking.) The guy went to Yale (graduated magna cum laude, no less). He also sings in a band. (Of course, he does!) Super good looking, too. And completely out as a gay man. Married. Probably to an equally smart and sexy guy. Mom and dad must be really proud. I’m envious.

I recently saw Terry Gross of NRP’s Fresh Air on Stephen Colbert’s The Late Show. She looks just the way I pictured her. Cute. Funny. Intelligent.

And then there’s Will Shortz, puzzle editor for The New York Times. I’ve heard him for years on NPR’s Weekend Edition. Love listening to his voice. Saw him a few years ago on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. He’s adorable, but not at all what I pictured in my mind’s eye, which was tall, broad-shouldered, dimpled. In real life he looks like the smart guy that he is. A bit of a nerd. Which I actually find very seductive.But it’s rare when someone looks the way their voice sounds.

After major recon at the grocery, I never found my voice. Darn! I didn’t get the romantic date that I was sure would follow once our eyes met. Instead, I had to settle for Pringles and Oreos and Mama Celeste frozen pizzas. Oh hell, I’ve convinced myself that Dorito’s cool ranch are crunchier than any dude I’d find at a Piggly Wiggly anyway. Jeez!


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